Adriene made me a silver necklace that says PussyPower!

Adriene made me a silver necklace that says PussyPower!

Image by Tricia Wang ???
Adriene had this silver necklace made for my birthday. She appreciates my attempts to reclaim this word. When I was in college, I became sick and infuriated when hearing men call other men "pussys" for not being a "real man." But even more untolerable was hearing other women call other men "pussys" for failing at "manhood."

Whenever I heard "pussy" used in such a condescending way, I would always say "excuse me? those are my genitals you are referring to and my Pussy is POWERFUL, not weak. So if you are going to de-masculinize a man, you can de-phallasize him, you can call him an ass asshole, you can call him a dick, a bastard, but never give him the power of your pussy."

After giving that speech once every week I decided something had to be done, women needed to reclaim the word "pussy" and in effect reclaim their own pussies. So I coined the term "pussy power kunt control." Pussy Power stuck while kunt control fell to the wayside. I made buttons with the word "Pussy Power" and I passed it out to women who honored their pussies by referring to it as celebratory word, not a hurtful word.

Adriene has known me for about 10 years now and I think she has heard me give that speech so many times. Finally I have a beautiful necklace for my birthday from one of my best friends! thank you Adriene! you TOO have the power of the Pussy!

We will reclaim an identity that we allowed to be taken away from and reclaim the responsibilities that comes along with it. If YOU have Pussy Power, NEVER let a man or boy and most importantly another woman call another male a pussy in a hurtful or denigrating way. Those are YOUR genitals. PUSSY POWER!

Now on a separate note – Several friends commented on how they were so amazed I could post these photos about Adriene’s pussy power necklace gift for me openly on flickr. My birthday was back in April – and those few comments made me pause before posting this on my blog. So here are my thoughts on this matter.

so when my friends told me that I was brave to openly post these- I ask them why exactly should I have been embarrassed or afraid? They would say well you know you get google searched for jobs and grants and people might think that you are a liability or they may judge you before they get to meet you. Academic colleagues have said well your students are going to find it and you’re never going to get tenured for posting this or what happens if your professor sees this online? Well duh – I always googled people before I would interview, hire or even meet someone. I would like to remind everyone that I was openly doing internet searches on potential dates and hirings back in the late 1900′s and early 2000′s before Google even existed ok?

So of COURSE I understand that this public internet posting will be potentially seen by my past, current and future colleagues and/or students. But I don’t think I am doing anything wrong or embarrassing when I insist that women not allow the word "pussy" to be used in a derogatory way. I am not using it in a nasty way – so how is that a liability? What I find offensive is when people remain quiet when something offensive is said. And worse off I find it offensive when people judge others for unsubstantiated reasons. To be anymore hush-hush with pussy feeds into larger schemas of patriarchy and misogyny.

I stand behind my attempts to un-dirty the word in a fashionable way. For too long (not in all communities) women’s reproductive organs have been considered to be profane and unworthy of equal respect to the phallus. The sexuality associated with vaginas have been seen as a threat and rituals are created to take away the power from their vaginas. The menstrual cycles that women go through are seen as filthy – requiring physical separation of women from the community. I find it problematic that although we have formal gender equality, this is not always reflected in our vernacular. The heavy association of the word "pussy" is too weighted on the side of the "nasty" or as lacking a cock which means lacking power. So powerful and normalized is the cock that we celebrate and laugh at the word. Even when a male is called a "cock" – like "he’s such a cock," he’s a cock precisely because of his unwarranted use of power. We laugh at jokes about "dicks’ – such as Justin Timberlake’s Dick in a Box – but the word pussy is so nasty and weak that it can’t even be intellectualized or comedized (I made this word up) in popular culture. My point is that the verbal representitive use of genitals reflects underlying real world inequalities and tensions between males and femals.

I simply will not be embarassed by the names of female genitals – And if this prevents me from being hired – then I certainly don’t belong at that organization, institution or company. And if students can’t take me seriously after reading this, then they need to grow up. Really. and if Professors find this and are horrified then I am sure glad that they aren’t working with me.

When we make a claim to an identity, it’s not just about claiming rights or something abstract like belonging – but it’s about claiming responsibility to that identity. So in claims that I make – like I claim I am Chinese-American or I claim that I am from the U.S. or that I live in Brooklyn or that I a female- then I take a responsibility in those claims to act and to practice what I claim.

And hopefully future colleagues who do come upon this will see that this is a sign of character – that I am not afraid to stand behind someone or something. Now I am not some militant gender freak – so I feel no need to parade my thoughts or beat up people for calling men pussies. Nor do I lack the sense to wear this necklace when I interview someone or when I am being interviewed – or at some funding meeting or my dissertation defense or even at any professional meetings. I don’t believe in drawing unnecessary attention to myself and detracting from the larger goals or messages in professional situations because I do understand wearing this necklace entails the burden of explaining the message – which I embrace in moments when I want to teach people about pussy power. BUT I will wear it when I find see fit and fashionable! And if after reading this explanation and you still find my pussy power offensive, horrific or distasteful then it’s time to bring in some humor into your life and chillll out! Go turn on Prince and Mozart and watch some South Park.

If you’re especially attracted to hot Asian women, I can most certainly understand. I’m a big fan of beautiful Asian women and have dated a wide variety — including Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Filipina, Indonesian and Thai girls.

Asian women make us feel this powerful attraction for a lot of different reasons, and there are also many reasons why the right Asian girl can make an ideal partner for you. But if you’re to make these girls feel attracted to YOU, you’ve got to understand what makes them “tick.” So here are ten tips that will help you make the right first impression on beautiful Asian women, and move things towards romance…

1. Understand that the term “Asian Women” contains many different sub-categories. While most Western men think the “Asian” label mostly refers to Chinese or Japanese girls, it actually includes more than 40 nationalities and ethnic groups. In the Philippines alone, where there’s been a lot of mixing of cultures over the country’s history, you’ll meet taller women with fair complexions, along with shorter women with dark skin. The point is, it can be hard to tell exactly which country a lot of Asian women are from — so don’t try to guess. This can make you appear ignorant, and you might even offend her. Instead you can say, “You have a really unique look, where is your family from originally?”

Also, on this subject, you should never mention to her that you’ve dated other Asian women before. This is not going to make her feel like you “understand” her. Actually, there’s a good chance that she will feel resentful. She needs to feel that she is unique and special to you. Also, Asian women who live in Western countries are very sensitive to the idea of “yellow fever” — Western guys who have a fetish for Asian girls. If she gets the sense that you’re only into her because of her race, you can forget about hooking up with her.

2. The stereotype that Asian women are meek and submissive is generally false, however Asian women do want a masculine man — one who can play the role of the provider and protector. This is a big reason why so many Western men — who live in “feminized” cultures where women want to wear the pants — find Asian women to be so alluring. They are purely feminine, and desire a man who exudes masculinity.

This means that with hot Asian girls, you can’t be co-dependent or clingy. Asian men don’t behave this way and if you do, it’s going to turn off Asian women. They want to feel SAFE with a man who is a decision-maker and protector, and who is in control of his emotions. Asian women won’t feel comfortable with a guy who is needy, overly sensitive, and complains about his problems.

3. Be a gentleman with a bit of a “bad boy” edge. Cool Hollywood movie stars are worshipped in Asia — the guys who are strong, masculine and can take care of business, but have a boyish charm and a softer side. Think about the onscreen personalities of Harrison Ford, Keanu Reeves, Leonardo Dicaprio, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney. (All of them are revered in Asia.) You must be confident and emotionally stable. Asian women are turned off by insecure, angry or jealous men.

4. You must be intelligent and preferably well-educated, since Asians put a high value on education and wisdom. Also, have various passions and pursuits that you can share with her. You want her to get the sense that she will become a better, more knowledgeable and well-rounded person by being with you.

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