Mature Christmas Jokes

I’m giving this to my husband for Christmas tell me what you think?

Alright, We don’t have alot of money for christmas this year and he always brags about the home made valentine card i made for him,so i figured i’d go all out making my my scrole like paper and write this out onto it,now it long it’s 100 things i love about him plus a bonus

100 things I Love About You

1 I love your smile
2 I love your strong arms
3 love how now matter how bad it might seem,When you Hold me,Nothing can touch me and I am at peace even if I’m crieing.
4 I love how I can be myself with you even if it’s not a so good side of me.
5 I love that you love me
6 I love how we met and talked for ours
7 I even love,the feeling I got my first trip to meet you in person
8 I love the memories of us geting to know each other for the first time
9 I hated out break,But I love that our love concored all
10 I love how you make me feel
11 I love you even when we fight
12 I love the way you praposed
13 I love that you wanted to make me yours
14 I love that you are mine
15 I love your laugh even if your laughin,because I was clumsy
16 I love that you love me enough to do what it takes to make things better
17 I love how sweet and gentle you are with me
18 I love how you care so much you would ask me if i was alright a 100 times if you had to
19 I love your patiants with me,even when I am the difficult moment
20 I love how you kiss me and I want to melt
21 I love holding you just as much as I love being held by you
22 I love Your loyalty to me and everyone or everything that matters to you
23 I love our late night talks hold eachother in bed waiting for sleep,yet willing it away for just one more moment with each other
24 I love Your crazy voices, sounds, and imitations
25 I love How you always help me when I need or ask you to and sometimes even when I don’t ask
26 I love Your uncompromising belief in God, family, and friends.
27 I love How you don’t mind holding my hand or showing me affection even in public
28 I love How you sometimes give up things you’ve wanted just for my benefit
29 I love The fact that you were willing to take a chance on me
30 I love how even through so much bad you still found me worth loving
31 I love Your faithfulness
31 I love The fact that you know how to be a real man
32 I love The heart-touching things you’ve written for me
33 I love The way you’ve opened up your heart and life to me
34 I love How you always bring out the best in me
35 I love The fact that you are as much of a dreamer as me
36 I love The fact that you are without a doubt my true soul mate
37 I love The fact that you are the first and only person I’ve ever Truly loved and the first person who ever truly loved me
38 I love How forgiving you are
39 I love Your incredible big heart
40 I love How you always open doors for me, help me with the groceries, and take the garbage out for me
42 I love How you always comfort me or give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it
43 I love How I know you’ll always be here for me through good times and bad no matter what
44 I love How truly blessed we are
45 I love How even when hurt or discouraged you still try so hard
46 I love How cute and adorable you can be
47 I love Your incredible dreams and visions for our future that will come true
48 I love How much you know about me now and that you’ve seen both my good sides and bad and that you still love me anyway
49 I love when you make me laugh
50 I love the special look i get and how they make me feel even when you dont realize your giving them to me
51 I love the way you smell fresh out the shower and layin with me
52 I love cute face and when we play around not careing if its mature or not
53 I love Your dedication
54 I love how when i think of you a smile comes to my face
55 I love that You stand up for me
56 I love Our inside jokes
57 I love When you call me beautiful.
58 I love that you can be honest with me on how you fill even if it was hurtful
59 I love The time you danced with me and you didn’t have to.
60 I love How You make me feel so excited when I am about to see you.
61 I love when you do things out of the blue to make me feel better laugh or desired
62 I love how tender you are with me when im sick
63 I love when you sing me to sleep
64 I love how we make custom rituals without tryin like watching the nanny at night,just to be together
65 I love that you trust me
66 I love when you are romantic
67 I love how you can be so many things at once,My love,My friend,My husband and soulmate,My world.
68 I love how you try so hard to make me happy
69 I love the wonderful love we make in bed
70 I love how when the sun hits your eyes,they turn the shade of swet honeybrown
71 I love the passion we share
72 I love how i cant stay angry with you,even when i think you desurve it
73 I love how sometimes you just want to hold me with out exspecting more
74 I l
It didnt post all of my 100 things hopefuly it will show it here so you can read the rest

73 I love how sometimes you just want to hold me with out exspecting more
74 I love how you love animals because I love animals
75 I love how you saport me
76 I love how you listen to me even when i can go on and on without a pause,”blushs sorry”
77 I love how good you look when you dont even try
78 I love how we fit perfectly together
79 I love how you complament me even when i might think it is true
80 I love how we both love music
81 I love the videos you send me
82 I love that you thought of me even when your working
83 I love that you can understand me and still willing to learn when you dont
84 I love how you gave me the chance no one else would.
85 I love how you never gave up on me even i was at my worst
86 I love how cute you are when your trying to get my attention
87 I love how even when you are afraid,You have the courage to continue on
88 I love how we can sit for our without a word,but still say so much
89 I even love when you tickle me sometime
90 I love the comfort you bring to me just by knowing I have you
91 I love that you stayed with me,even though i was new and still learning how to be the best wife you desurve for being such and amazeing man
92 I love that you can handle me even when others cant
93 I love how we push each other to get things done when we dont wont to
94 I love how you are so eager to share your passions with me
95 I love how you let me drive that old car even when you really wanted to drive
96 I love our stupid fights,because making up is the best part
97 I love how you can still love me despite the drama life bring all around
98 I love the softness of you lips and you touch
99 I love how truly blessed i am that God brought you into my life
100I love Every little single detail about you that makes you who you are and the fact that you are the best husband and friend in the whole world

Bonus Reason 101. The fact that this list was so easy to write, but also so hard because I had to limit it to just 100 reasons when I can think of at least a million plus reasons why I love you and why I am the luckiest woman in the world. Merry Christmas My Love,I know I wont be able to buy all the thing i want that you desurve, but I wanted to write this list for you to give you just a little glimpse of how much love is in my heart for you and how much you mean to me and maybe do something that no one else has ever done for you before. I love you with all of my heart.

Love Your Loving Wife

Rose

Mature people only please, i dont want any complaints from parents..?

Here’s some jokes i found online for ya..just hoping to share a laugh tonight.

What has 90 balls and screws little old ladies?

Bingo.

The graduate with a science degree asks ‘Why does it work?’

The graduate with an engenieering degree asks ‘How does it do that?’

The graduate with an accounting degree asks ‘How much does it cost?’

The graduate with the Arts degree asks ‘Do you want fries with that?’

I’ve use up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead

What happened when Jesus went up to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat him up.

Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident

Roses are redish,

Violets are blueish,

If it wasn’t for Christmas,

We’d all be Jewish.

Have a good night!!!LOL

I broke up with my boyfriend of a year today, but his parents bought me a bunch of christmas gifts…?

We haven’t been really getting along lately, mostly due to his excessive video game usage.
He was supposed to spend the day with me today, but I sat there for no joke, five hours while he played video games, just expected to watch him. I even fell asleep during his little marathon, which unfortunately happens quite a bit.
I got up off of his couch, grabbed my purse and left, he was so engrossed in his game that he didn’t notice I left, didn’t text me until I was already driving, almost home.

He sent me a text that said something along the lines of “real mature thanks for the goodbye” I sent him back something that said “thanks for spending the day with me.” he texted back a “fuck you.” and stated he didn’t want to see me again.

The thing is, I’m on really good terms with his parents, and they bought me a whole bunch of christmas gifts, and I don’t feel comfortable coming over on christmas anymore. Or at all for that matter.
What should I do, just go and apologize to them tell them I can’t make christmas?
I don’t feel comfortable accepting gifts from them anymore…
I don’t know what to do…

How should I handle this situation in a respectful mature way. My mother in-law is acting like a real B–ch?

This is their first grandchild and you would think that they would cut the childish behavior and be their for their son and
grandson. We were on speaking terms until she asked me can she have my son because he is so adorable an I replied in a joking manner naw and we laughed and I thought that was the end of it. She was dancing, drinking and as far as I knew was having a good time when we left she asked when we was coming back so to my knowledge I never suspected anything until the next day when my husband called her and she told him that he better put me in check because she was only Joking with me and I got really nasty with her when she asked me can she have my baby. Every one was sitting their and thought she was playing. Since Christmas She have not called and wished my family a Merry Christmas and her and my husband got into this huge argument and she threatened to call the police on him because he told her to cut the Bull. Now that are back talking she don’t ask about my son.

Please I need mature advice on what to think about my fiancee and his sister!?

This is going to be a little long so bare with me… Ill start with my sister in law- she is very spoiled. She has two children and lives next door. She always calls my fiancee to watch the kids or her dog while she does what she wants. Then she never says thank you. This doesn’t bother my fiancee but it bothers me, although Ive never held it against her.

The other night at family dinner without her there, her father, and step mother mentioned how they didn’t like how she drops off her kids and animals at her convience. She didn’t want her cat so she took it to her dads house and left it there- without asking lol. (but that’ss not my problem)

Anyways- we went on a weekend trip skiing for new years. I thought everything was fine and normal (how I was wrong). then we got back and she went away again and left the dog with us for the week. I didnt mind because the dog is sweet and no problem. But then she called my fianceee again and asked if we could watch the dog. Again it would have been no problem but the fact that we had just watched the dog for the week and we took her kids for the previous weekend while she went away during christmas (their jewish im not which explains why her kids spent xmas with us if your wondering). So I thought she could handle the dog situation on her own.. Im starting to feel taken advantage of at this point.

When my fianceee was on the phone with her he told her we had things to do and couldn’t watch the dog. Then I heard them on the phone- she asked him no joke 5 more times and he kept saying not today. then he finally ended the convo with “let me ask dina”. I explained how now he made me look like the bad guy but he didnt understand..

Two days later – as I expected his sister took him alone and told him I was rude with him and she doesnt like me anymore. She said that on our ski trip I didnt even eat the dinner she cooked. Which I said I didnt like sausage lol I ate the food she cooked the next night without problem! She said that she doesnt want to come over to our house anymore too.

I thought me and my finacee had talked about this last week and figured it out that she must have been upset about us not watching the dog. She gets mad when she doesnt get her way.

ao I gave it a day and decided to called her but she didnt answer and then I messaged her on FAcebook and she ignored me. Then she called my finace again today saying that she didnt really wanna get me involved lol.. Ofcourse she has lots to say but when confronted she feels stupid.

Now my finacee says that he doesnt want to be with me anymore bc he “will not be pushed away from his family”

I’m so mad bc on one hand I feel like she is so damn manipulative that I should overcome this and explain or just say im sorry to his sister. but on the other hand I cant belive he is not taking my side on this.!!

What would you do? And god bless you if you sat and read all this – i wish I could personally thank you!

How can I handle this in a mature way? I feel like I’m going to rip my parents’ head off?

So I’m 21-years old, and I’m home from college for Christmas. However every time I come home for the past year, everything has completely revolved around my 14-year old sister. I come home and I have to go to all of her concerts and performances, which I don’t mind, but sometimes I get sick of it. I just feel like my parents are so much more involved with her than they were with me. Also my Dad seems to hardly even acknowledge me when I’m home. I’m really lucky if he says “Hi,” these days, but he’ll sit and joke around with my sister and her friends. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’ve had it terrible because I’ve gotten the opportunity to do a lot in college, and they financially support me. They bought me the car of my dreams when I was 16, and sent me to Japan, and San Francisco, as well as helped me study abroad in Europe for 5 months. Additionally when I was in high school they would always come to my performances as well, but I just feel so depressed at home, and like I don’t fit here anymore. They are going to help my sister go to England and Ireland, and for some reason I just feel like they’re so much more into her than me. My Dad was going to even take my sister to NYC, just the two of them. The second though that I mention this to them, they tell me how selfish and immature I am. I just feel like I’m a screw up to them or something, and I just want to get out of here. I am so sick of at every family gathering my sister has to give a performance, and everything is always about her. I feel like I’m just the daughter that’s off to college or something. Anyways I feel like I’m going to snap and bite my parents’ head off soon. I just want some suggestions as what I should do, and talking to them really isn’t an option because they will take it the wrong way, and suddennly I will be selfish and immature. I feel like they see me as childish and ridiculous sometimes.

My Dad really doesn’t say anything to me at all, and I always have to bring things up, I talk about graduate school these days a lot, because that’s what I want to do. They just told me that they’re getting tired of hearing about it.

Additionally I am adopted, and my sister is not. Sometimes I just want to scream that they love her more because she’s their real child. Suggestions please?
I feel like they’re going to be so relieved when I am graduate from college because the ywon’t have to financially support me. They even told me that I’d have to pay rent if I lived there. Then again, when my sister looks into going to a camp, they get sad because she’s going to be away from home for a long time. I’m just so upset right now.

Hi everyone, i’m really worried about my mom, can someone please help me out? Mature only please ..?

So my mom is a very good woman, but unfortunatly hasn’t made the right decisions all the time. We around 3 years ago we bought a house, and we could afford it, but now that the economy is so bad it is like we are living out of our means, and my parents don’t want to lose the house, and I understand that the bills and mortgage are first prioraty.

My mom is VERY upset because she is not going to be able to affored to give us a good christmas this year. my little brother is 5 and my sister is 12. I am 18 now, so I DO NOT expect ANYTHING! My mom doesn’t understand this because she was still getting gifts at 18 with her parents. So she is really bent out of shape over this whole christmas thing, and she reallly wants me to have some stuff, as well as the other siblings. I keep telling her no but she gets so upset.

My mom does home day care because it is the best paying job that she can get at this point, and I think it is really really getting to her. I am so scared for her heath because she is on anti depressants and other types of medication, and she is taking over the recommended doses at times, she also has started to drink heavily after wook and on the weekends, because she says it takes her stress away, but honestly, I grew up with an alcholalic and drug addict father, he is clean now as far as drugs, but he still drinks everyday when he gets home from work. I don’t want my little brother and sister to have to go through the same thing .. my mom is not herself when she drinks ..

Can someone please help me? Give me some suggestions how to deal with the problems we are facing as a family. I go to counciling, and I think it would really help my mom, too. Even my dad if he would be willing to go. I really need some help because my mom says if things keep going the way they are going she is going to break down .. and I feel the same way. I cannot take this anymore and this is not a joke, or anything like that. It is true comming from the heart.

thanks ..
Just wanted to let you guys all know that i’m reading every answer, all the advise is great and thank you so much for taking me seriously, and taking the time to read what I wrote.

Why does my family seem to hate him ?

Boyfriend and I(19) have been together for 5 months now.He was going to college to become an “Aeronautics Engineer” at Baylor,he was an honor student in high school and was awarded partial scholarships to attend Baylor last fall semester.Lets just say he is a bright bulb.He had to leave back in December on Christmas break.His sisters joked about him being a drop-out and that really upset him( I was there when they joked about it).He is transferring to a much closer school in the Fall and wants to continue studying.He has a lot of potential and drive,he just doesn’t have the opportunity,and my mom agreed with me on this but now she thinks he is “just a boy”His family lives paycheck to paycheck pretty much and they are struggling,especially since his dad and step-mom split up 2 months ago.So his dad is more or less a single parent now.He has no job currently,no vehicle and lives with his dad and little brother(13).His dad works from9-6 as a mechanic and uses their only vehicle to get to work every day.My sister is the one who got us together back in August.Now she is telling me he is a loser and that I need to find a real man.He can be lazy at time but hey,what teenager isn’t ever lazy?My mom says he is a loser and it hurts me.My mom doesn’t trust him which doesn’t help because I am already insecure in the relationship(heaven help me!)He said he was looking for a job and hoping to get his job back from before he left to college.I remember him saying a few months back “I want a career,not a job,I don’t want to flip burgers for the rest of my life.”He told this to his step- mom when she told him he needed a job whilst at college.It hurts me when my family says things like”You should have dumped him a long time ago”.My mom is always saying this and saying “He is full of ****” she thinks everything he or his family does or says is a lie.We don’t get to see each other as often as we like due to lack of transportation but we do talk via phone and web.I just don’t understand how my family could be so negative?He is good to me when we do get to see each other.He cares about me and my opinions.He is mature about situations-most of the time- he is affectionate and loves children and is close to his large family.He is great and affectionate and not afraid to show his feelings for me whether it be in person,in public or even on his Facebook status.Now why is my family so negative about him?